The Train To Turin
A man wakes up in the middle of the night in a foul mood. He turns to his wife who is snoring beside him and nudges her awake.
WIFE: What’s up?
HUSBAND: It’s all your fault!
W: What is?
H: That we got on the wrong train.
W: What train are you talking about?
H: The train in my dream.
W: Well, that’s not my fault, because I wasn’t in your dream.
H: Oh yes you were. We were on holiday in Italy waiting on the platform in Rome. I was buying a cappuccino when you shouted at me to hurry up because the train was arriving and you wanted to get a window seat. I grabbed the cup and then spilt hot coffee down the front of my brand new shirt as I rushed to get on the train.
W: Did I get one?
H: Of course not, you don’t drink coffee.
W: No, you noodlehead! A window seat … did I get a window seat?
H: Yes, you did, but I didn’t. There were no seats left and I had to stand.
W: That’s a pity.
H: You said the journey would only take half an hour but the train didn’t stop at our station. You’d read the sign wrong. We were on the fast train to Turin and so I had to stand for the next two hours.
W: You see, if you hadn’t queued for that coffee, we’d have been first on and you’d have been able to sit down. Anyway, it’s all nonsense because I wasn’t even in your dream last night.
H: Oh yes you were. You spent half the journey complaining about how
difficult it would be to remove the brown stain on my shirt.
W: Show it to me then.
H: What?
W: The stain on your precious shirt.
H: All right. I’ll get it from the laundry basket.
W: You shouldn’t have left it in there!
H: Why not?
W: You should have soaked it in cold water straight away. It’ll be hard
to get the stain out now.
H: You could have told me that at the time!
W: How could I have told you? I wasn’t even there.
H: Where were you then?
W: I can’t remember.
H: That’s because you nodded off after an hour on the train. You know what you’re like when you first wake up. You’re always in a bit of a daze.
W: That’s because I’m such a deep sleeper.
H: Half the time you don’t know where you are anyway.
W: Well, are we there yet?
H: Where?
W: Turin.
H: Of course we’re not in Turin.
W: Well, why did you wake me up?
H: Because you were snoring and embarrassing us. All the other passengers were giving us funny looks.
W: Who cares about what other people think? I’m going back to sleep. Wake me up when we do get there.
And with that, she turned her back to her husband and went to sleep again. He got out of bed and rummaged through the laundry basket. He went downstairs to the kitchen and filled a bowl with cold water. Looking at the stain once more, he shook his head, raised his eyes to the ceiling and growled, ‘It’s all your fault!’ Then he plunged the shirt into the water to soak.

© Clive PiG