Colin The Chocolate Kid

Colin loved to eat chocolate. He loved brown chocolate, white chocolate and really, really dark chocolate. If there had been red chocolate, green chocolate, blue chocolate, pink chocolate, stripey chocolate or spotty chocolate he’d have loved
that too.

Colin loved chocolate bars, chocolate buttons, chocolate biscuits, chocolate cake, chocolate flakes and chocolate ice-cream. He liked it so much he’d eat it at every meal.

Coco pops with chocolate milk for breakfast. Chocolate crisps and chocolate yoghurt in his packed lunch box. Chocolate-chip cookies with chocolate milkshake for his home time snack. Chocolate spread on bread for tea. Hot chocolate with a chocolate flake as a night cap tucked up in bed.

But don’t worry, it wasn’t that he wouldn’t eat anything else. Sometimes he’d gobble fried eggs with chocolate sauce, baked beans with melted chocolate, chips with chocolate, burgers with chocolate, pizza with chocolate, chicken and chocolate, oodles of noodles with chocolate. He’d even eat Brussels sprouts so long as they had chocolate melted on them.

But the truth was, he wouldn’t eat anything unless it had chocolate sauce squeezed on it or chocolate sprinkled over it.
Luckily, his mother couldn’t stand the stuff, which was good news for Colin as that meant there was all the more for him. Often she’d warn him that one day he’d turn into a Chocolate Kid. He’d reply that he didn’t care if he did.

Now one night, after a double hot chocolate with three chocolate flakes, Colin tossed and turned in bed. He just couldn’t get to sleep. Do you think he’d had too much chocolate? I think you might be right.

He started counting sheep jumping over a fence. And yes, you’ve guessed, the fence was made of chocolate and so were the sheep! One, two, three, over they went. But then, Colin noticed that a chocolate gate was open and the chocolate sheep had run out of the chocolate field and were escaping down the chocolate lane.

Colin jumped over the chocolate fence and ran along the chocolate lane. A chocolate bird sang from a chocolate tree beneath a chocolate sun in a chocolate sky.

Chocolate cows ate chocolate grass and chocolate daisies swayed in a chocolate breeze. Suddenly, to his surprise, Colin was driving a chocolate car along a chocolate road leading to a chocolate town.

He stopped at a chocolate zebra crossing and watched a chocolate mother pushing a chocolate buggy carrying chocolate twins sucking on chocolate dummies.

Then he found himself arriving at a big chocolate building. A chocolate man wearing a chocolate uniform opened the chocolate door of the chocolate car and led him into the chocolate factory where lots of chocolate people were making tons and tons of … popcorn? … marshmallows? No, don’t be silly, they were making chocolate of course!

Chocolate people were pulling chocolate levers and pushing chocolate buttons. Chocolate steam rose from chocolate cooking pots. He climbed some chocolate stairs and walked along a chocolate platform above a huge chocolate vat full of tongue-tantalizing, lip-smacking, mouth-drooling chocolate.

It was all too much for Colin. He couldn’t help himself. He climbed over the chocolate railings and then dived headfirst into the quagmire of soft, milky-brown chocolate.

He swallowed the warm liquid as he swam deeper and deeper. When he reached the bottom of the chocolate sea he lay on his back with his belly full. Colin was in chocolate heaven.

And then he woke up.

‘What a wonderful dream,’ he thought.

As Colin was getting out of bed he noticed a strand of dark brown hair on his pillow. This was curious as the colour of his hair was blond. He picked it up and it felt strange. Not soft and light as air, but hard and brittle, and then it broke. Snapped in two. That was odd. Even more curious was the smell. It smelled of … chocolate?

Colin sniffed it, and then he licked it, and then he bit it, and yes it really was his favourite food. Yum yum. It went down a treat.He licked his finger and thumb and they tasted of chocolate too! And then he noticed both of his hands were made of chocolate!

Yum yum. Breakfast in bed!

He bit off his thumbs and then ate his fingers one by one. He was about to gobble what was left of his right hand when he realised that his feet, his legs, his arms, his tummy, his head, his whole body was made of the most delicious food in the universe.

Just as his mother has warned him. He’d turned into a Chocolate Kid.

He looked at his left arm. He looked at his right. They were both equally appetising. Which one to chomp first?

But then something in his chocolate skull – perhaps his brain was only half chocolatised – made him realise that if he carried on like this there wouldn’t be much of him left by lunchtime.

He called out, ‘Mum, come quick, I think I’m going to eat myself!’

But there was no answer. His mother had just popped out to the shops.

He panicked, rushing down the stairs, out of the house and into the street.

On the corner by the newsagents he saw his two chums, Connor and Courtney. He called to them, ‘Help me, I’ve turned into a Chocolate Kid. I can’t resist it. Stop me, I think I’m going to eat myself.’

They came up to him, pulled off his ears and laughed, ‘Not if we eat you first!’

‘Ow!’ squealed Colin, before shooting off down the road pursued by his so-called friends.

A bird flew from a tree and pecked off his nose. A dog chased him and bit off Colin’s left foot.

Wherever he went someone or something wanted a piece of him. Even the pavement seemed to relish the trail of chocolate Colin left behind him.

Soon a crowd of people including aunts and uncles, policemen and teachers, shopkeepers and traffic wardens, footballers, pop stars and children were chasing Colin through the streets, parks and shops of the town.

Anyone who loved chocolate joined the chase. Even you would have joined in if you’d had the chance. But you weren’t there, so bad luck!

Poor Colin, by the end of the day there wasn’t that much of him left to eat. What did remain lay under a hedge out of the sun and hidden from his pursuers.

As night fell, what looked like a battered bowling ball rolled and bumped

along the sidewalk. It turned into Colin’s front garden, jumped through the cat flap and bounced up the stairs into Colin’s bed.

At last, lying on his pillow, Colin felt safe.

Just then, Colin’s mother came into the bedroom.

‘Hello Colin, I thought I heard you come in. Oh dear, you have been in the wars haven’t you? Don’t say I didn’t warn you something like this might happen if you carried on with your chocolate fixation. Never mind. We’ll soon have you as right as rain again.’

She went downstairs and soon returned with a large steaming bowl of chocolate soup. She spooned some into Colin’s mouth and both of his ears grew back. With each mouthful, parts of his body returned. Soon the bowl was empty and Colin was almost back to normal. But unfortunately, when he lifted up his hands there were still some parts missing.

‘Don’t worry, Colin. I’ve put aside a secret supply of chocolate biscuits. I think I’ve got just the right sort to finish the job properly.’

When she returned this time, she did indeed have the right kind of biscuits. Each time she popped a biscuit into his mouth, another little part of his body appeared.

And yes, of course, you’ve guessed correctly. The biscuits were not chocolate digestives or bourbons, they were chocolate fingers, but unluckily for Colin, there were only nine left (because he had previously discovered his mother’s secret hidey-hole).

But even more unfortunately for Colin, tomorrow was Monday and it was the first day back at school after the summer holidays. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Colin was still made of chocolate!


Do you want to read more ticklish tales?

This story is from Unicorn in the Playground. Buy it here.