Señorita Cucaracha

Story dedicated to la cucaracha living in microwave in my apartment in Buenos Aires

When Catalina the Cucaracha reached the age of 14 days she decided it was about time she found a partner. She wasn’t going to marry just anyone though, oh no. It didn’t matter to her if he was handsome or not, but he certainly had to be kind and understanding.

She put on her best dress of the finest brown onion skin and slipped her six dainty feet into the dinkiest little red chilli peppers and set off on her way.

The first prospect she met was Santiago the Scorpion.

‘Hola, Señor Scorpion, would you like to marry me, for I might like to marry you ?’

‘Buenos dias, Señorita Cucaracha, I would like to be your husband indeed. Let us be married straight away.’

‘Wonderful,’ she replied, ‘please bring me a cup of coffee to seal the deal.’

But when she was given the cup of coffee, she let it slip from her fingers and the coffee stained Señor Scorpion’s six brown sandals.

‘Why, you clumsy cockroach,’ he spat, ‘ if you were my wife you wouldn’t ever do that again in a hurry!’

‘Well, no need to worry about that, for if you’re that bad tempered I won’t be married to you anyway.’

And off she scuttled.

The second prospect she met was Alberto the Armadillo.

‘Hola, Señor Armadillo, would you like to marry me, for I might like to marry you ?’

‘Buenos dias, Señorita Cucaracha, I would like to be your husband indeed. Let us be married straight away.’

‘Wonderful,’ she replied, ‘please bring me a cup of coffee to seal the deal.’

But when she was given the cup of coffee, she let it slip from her fingers and the coffee stained Señor Armadillo’s shiny black boots.

‘Why, you clumsy cockroach,’ he screamed, ‘ if you were my wife you wouldn’t do that again in a hurry!’

‘Well, no need to worry about that, for if you’re that bad tempered I won’t be married to you anyway.’

And off she scuttled.

The third prospect she met was Pablo the Puma.

‘Hola, Señor Puma, would you like to marry me, for I might like to marry you ?’

‘Buenos dias, Señorita Cucaracha, I would like to be your husband indeed. Let us be married straight away.’

‘Wonderful,’ she replied, ‘please bring me a cup of coffee to seal the deal.’

But when she was given the cup of coffee, she let it slip from her fingers and the coffee stained Señor Puma’s brand new trainers.

‘Why, you clumsy cockroach,’ he growled, ‘ if you were my wife you wouldn’t do that again in a hurry!’

‘Well, no need to worry about that, for if you’re that bad tempered I won’t be married to you anyway.’

And off she scuttled.

Along the way she met Ignacious the Iguana and Coco the Caiman but they were just as bad tempered as the others.

Poor Catalina, she was going to be 15 days old tomorrow and felt she’d spend the rest of her life alone.

But just then, who came along bouncing a ball on his head, but Messi the Mouse.

‘Hola, Señor Mouse, would you like to marry me, for I might like to marry you ?’

‘Buenos dias, Señorita Cucaracha, I would like to be your husband indeed. Let us be married straight away.’

‘Wonderful,’ she replied, ‘please bring me a cup of coffee to seal the deal.’

But when she was given the cup of coffee she let it slip from her fingers and the coffee stained Señor Mouse’s football boots.

‘Oops a daisy,’ he squeaked, ‘accidents will happen. If you were my wife I wouldn’t even mind if you spilt coffee on my football shirt. I’ll go and get you another one.’

‘Well, no need to worry about that, for if you’re as kind and understanding as that we should get married straight away.’

And they did and they were and the priest was a cat.
There’s nothing to add, so that is that.